The Holiday in Tatters, or: Christmas is Just 364 Days Away

For the record, I hate it when churches put messages on their marquees that say "No more Xmas! Keep Christ in Christmas!" First, "Xmas" does include Christ; it's just a convenient shorthand way of writing it. Second, nobody is abbreviating it "Mohammedmas" or "Hindumas" or "Athiestmas," so Christ really is the X in Xmas. Thirdly, Christians have no one to blame but themselves for the commercialization of Christmas. Most Christians, particularly American Christians, love their money far more than they love their savior.

A vastly more dignified way to celebrate the birth of one you believe to be your God would be a day of prayer and fasting. It tends to communicate your spiritual connection to the Deity better than cramming into Wal Mart, Sears, or Gander Mountain, spending yourselves silly with debt.

Pictured: an unhappy Mitchell taking down the Christmas tree. Yes, I am aware of the irony.

Santa's Birthday Suit

Abby bought me this suit, shirt and tie for Christmas. Rakish, no?

Smiling Faces

Here is a handsome portrait of the Christmas gang in Palm Coast: Seated are Mitchell and Abby, holding the Chihuahuas Max and Sierra, and standing behind them are Nicole and Sarah Jo.

Tropical Paradise vs Winter Wondeland

This happens a lot: we spend a few days at Christmas in Florida, and lose all concept of what the outside world might be like. (This happens to me when I am hiking in the desert, too.) Yesterday we were picking oranges in Palm Coast, and today I woke up to see this outside our the front door in Byng.

Oh Christmas Tree 2.0

We are in Florida, enjoying Christmas Eve. Abby and I made a Wal Mart run earlier today, and found the experience about as distasteful as we could imagine. The crowds were akin to the residents of the planet Gideon from the Star Trek episode "The Mark of Gideon," about a planet that had become so full of people that they kidnap Captain Kirk to harvest disease from his blood so they have normal lives again. But I digress.

Pictured: Michell catching an orange from Mom's back yard orange trees.

16 Pounds of Joy for the Holidays

If you look back about a quillion posts ago to this entry, you will recall that we love to bring our dogs when we travel. This afternoon we are leaving for Florida for Christmas, and Max and Sierra are flying with us. It is logistically somewhat complicated, but oddly, it's cheaper than boarding them, and we don't like doing that at all. So we have gathered all their toys and pills and treats and sweaters and harnesses and leashes and loaded them into their little wheeled carry-on dog caddies. Adventure awaits!

Pictured: Max and Sierra helping Abby crochet.

Sleigh Ride

Byng School hosted its 2007 holiday band concert last night, and our son Mitchell, who now performs with the high school group, played. It was nice to be there, holding Abby's hand, trying to figure out which girls were the most likely object of Mitchell's affections.

The high school band sounded okay, except for Sleigh Ride. Mitchell had warned us that they didn't know it very well. Cheeks nice and rosey indeed!

Awaiting Brimstone

Now that winter is here, it's wildfire season again. The last two winters were under burn bans due to dry weather in the months prior, but it has since been lifted. It is dry and windy again today, despite a nice rainy spell last week. A few minutes ago I heard a call on the scanner about a grass fire across the street from us here in Byng. Of course, in the country "across the street" isn't the same as in town. Looking, I saw nothing, but the journalist in me told me to get over there with a camera, which I did. It was in the field behind Vera's house (we sometimes get her mail by mistake), and I only had to jump one barbed wire fence. I got there about the same time the Byng Volunteer Fire Department did, and they did their usual amazing job of stopping it before it got to any homes.

At Long Last, the Perfect Morning Defined

What could be better than to be Abby's Chihuahuas, dressed in Abby's hand-made sweaters, sitting in the sun on a chilly clear morning?

Joy to the World

When I was a kid, these were the joke lyrics...

Joy to the world
The school burned down
And all the teachers too
They're looking for the principal
He's high up on the flag pole
With a rope around his neck
With a rope around his neck
With a rooooope, a rooooope, a-round his neck

It turns out that our son, coming from a different generation, learned an entirely different set of joke lyrics...

Joy to the world
The teachers are dead
We barbecued their heads
And as for their bodies
We flushed them down the potties
And around and around they went
And around and around they went
And aroooouuund, a-round, a-round they went

Pictured: The lovely Abby, my wife, in her office Christmas attire from today.

Also, my current favorite Christmas joke...

Three men were killed in a car wreck coming home from their company's Christmas Party and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on and said, "this represents a candle"
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "These sound like bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of still moist women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."

from Kris and Jessica

As many of you know, Santa Claus has a wife, a red-headed spitfire named Jessica. In magic North Pole Land, she and Kris stay eternally young, only dressing up as jolly old elves one day of the year. Let me just say that Jessica is insanely hot.

Attached: a photo my insanely hot wife Abby shot of me a few minutes ago, dressed as Santa in his prime.

Also: Jessica Kringle. Is she fine, or what? (Sub-topic: My childhood is punctuated by crushes on cartoon and claymation characters. The one who captured my heart the hardest was Karen, the little girl with the big white earmuffs who escorts Frosty the Snowman to the North Pole - but that's another entry.)

Averting Disaster Through Clean Living

Here is an image of ice melting Monday morning. A warm front advanced over us and we in southeastern Oklahoma were spared the agony that other parts of the state and nation suffered. No ice!

The Devil Inside

I found this posted on a forum I frequent:

"Why Doesn’t Healthy Food Taste Good? I have a theory on this. Satan works hard every day to deceive us. Infiltrating our food supply with foods swimming in calories, fat, sodium, and sugar is a subtle yet powerful way to get us down. Fruits, vegetables, and whole grains did taste superior to any other food at one time—before our taste buds were introduced to the food of the twenty first century. So think about that today. Give credit where credit is due. Satan has succeeded at creating a relentless pressure to eat; he wants you to eat a bunch of junk that provides temporal satisfaction only. He is jealous of your physical body and wants you to degrade yours. The more advanced our food supply becomes, the more power he has to tempt you. So don’t let him. You are stronger and better than he is. Let that give you the willpower and determination to make the healthier choice today."

My reply:

The biology of obesity in an affluent, technology-based society is somewhat simpler than the myth of a pitchfork wielding demon: human bodies are designed to store calories in the form of fat in preparation for times of drought and famine, and to that end are naturally attracted to foods with the most of what the body needs to store to survive. If you take that kind of evolutionary adaptation and short circuit it by removing most of the exercise and all of the famine, and add to it an unlimited supply of fats and sugars, you get a population that ends up lazy, decadent, obese, and most importantly, unhealthy. The industrial and technological revolutions are rife with potential, but only to those who understand how to discipline themselves.

The devil didn't make you do it.

Pictured: The fires of Hell. (Your personal Hell may vary slightly in size and color from this one.)

Foolishness of Youth

Here is an image I made right after a dangerous accident with some combs. Remember, kids, combs, brushes and other hair accessories are NOT TOYS!

Oh, Christmas Tree!

We finished the tree! (Yes, that is Van Gogh's Starry Night on the wall behind it.)

Choking Hazard! Do Not Try This at Home!

The cement plant in Ada has a reputation for spilling cement dust on the roads leading out of town, sometimes whole truckloads at a time. This morning a truck lost part of its load while leaving town and didn't stop, since he might not have been aware of it. I went by to see if it would make pictures, which it really didn't. I did, however, get my shoes really dusty.

The Next Cairn Video

My Questionable Past

If I had then again, what would I do with it?